Focus on the problem, not the personality.
A short framework for asking better questions before offering answers, especially in tense conversations.
- A three-question check on whether you are debating the problem or the person
- Three actions to put curiosity first in your next hard conversation
- A quick-reference page you can pin up
Get the free guide
The Curiosity-First Model · 8 pages · PDF
What's inside
Problem vs. personality
Michelle Dauphinais on asking questions before offering answers and why the best ideas should win.
The habits behind it
How separating the problem from the person keeps a hard conversation solvable, plus why listening is the most underrated skill.
The three-question check
Three questions to ask yourself after your last hard conversation, with room to write your answers.
This week
What to stop doing, the best advice she received, and three actions to try right away.
Results and feedback from Velocity's leadership work
“Now associates understand themselves better, and leaders have new tools to support their teams.”
“Velocity challenged our team and brought us together in ways that have paid immediate dividends.”
Why hard conversations go sideways
Most tense conversations don't fail on the facts. They fail when the issue turns personal.
Certainty Shows Up Early
Leaders arrive with the answer and skip the questions, so the conversation never gets to the real problem.
The Problem Becomes Personal
When the issue and the person get tangled together, a solvable problem turns into a personal conflict.
Waiting to Speak
Over-speaking and jumping straight to a solution leave no room for listening.
From tension to understanding
Curiosity is a habit, and habits are built in the conversations a team has every week.
ASK FIRST
Lead with a real question before offering an opinion, so curiosity comes before certainty.
SEPARATE
Name the problem explicitly and keep it apart from the person: tough on the problem, light on the people.
PRACTICE
Velocity helps leadership teams build these habits through coaching, team workshops, and DISC and Birds work on how each person communicates under pressure.
Make your next hard conversation about the problem
Download the guide, then talk with us about building a curiosity-first habit across your leadership team.